Hi everyone! I just finished a mission trip in Clarkston, Georgia, where we shared God’s love with a refugee community through a children’s VBS camp, and I wanted to share some lessons I learned during my time here. I’m probably going to have a lot to say, so bear with me.
Our church, Emmaus Presbyterian Church, is partnered with City Hope Community, a ministry dedicated to supporting refugees as they navigate the challenges of resettlement. Clarkston is a small city known for being the most diverse square mile in America. Refugees come from harsh backgrounds and have experienced traumas we can’t even imagine. Each year, we run a five-day VBS camp to help connect children from this background to City Hope and to display God’s love, so they may come to know who God truly is. Many of the kids are Muslim, which often prevents us from directly sharing the Gospel with them. Still, our church has been coming to Clarkston for years, watching these children grow up, slowly seeing how God softens hearts.
Love vs. Anxieties
Our team was made up of about 43 members, and we all lived together in the same Airbnb for 12 days. As a rather shy introvert, I often felt overwhelmed by the noise around me—anxious about how I was being perceived and overly conscious of my words, actions, and behavior. But on the third day, I came to realize the root of my social anxiety: I was being self-absorbed and selfish by focusing solely on myself and my own behaviors. I wasn’t putting love and care into those on my team, and it resulted in me not being willing to break out of my shell to be able to love.
Colossians 2:12-14 says “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”
This made me wonder, what does it even mean to love? I realized I didn’t fully understand how God calls us to love. But through this trip, I discovered that love is woven into every single characteristic of Christ. This issue was more than just social anxiety. This had to do with my love for Christ. Or more so, the lack of love.
Physical Brokeness
This entire trip, I was physically broken. My ankle injury made it so difficult to keep a calm mind, feel confident in my abilities, and made me worry that I wouldn’t be able to love the children to the best of my abilities. I prayed and prayed that I would surrender my physical strength and allow God to use me as a pure, imperfect vessel to be used in a perfect way. When I’m tired, I tend to be moody and unable to socialize. It’s difficult for me to feel joy and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit when I’m physically tired. I realized, however, that my faith can’t be dependent on my physical health. I decided to wake up an hour earlier than we had to each day to spend time preparing my heart through scripture instead of getting an extra hour of sleep. I wanted to see if doing so would change my heart in any way.
Intentionally preparing myself every morning for the exhausting days ahead made me more sensitive to the Holy Spirit than I’ve ever been. This made me discover that God blessed me with the gifts of a smile, a gentle demeanor, and the ability to show affection. My disability could never limit the amount of love I can give to them. When it came time to spend time with the children, I couldn’t stop smiling and hugging the kids every time they ran to us. I remember one of them kept asking me, “Why do you keep smiling?” This question reflected the relentless joy I experienced every single day for them. Their laughter filled me with newfound energy I never knew I was capable of.
Comparing this to my time in Georgia two years ago, my heart was quite hardened back then. I didn’t feel much emotion towards the children, I lacked intentionality in my conversations, and the desire to love on my team and the children (I’ll talk about my previous experience soon). The clear difference this year was my reliance on God for Love. Something as simple as showing affection to someone else was something I realized I could only do well if I was fully reliant on God’s strength. My sinful self would cut corners to love. Love needs to be authentic.
Childlike Faith
Seeing the joy on the children’s faces reminded me of how sensitive children are to love, and maybe that’s why God tells us to be more childlike. The pure hunger of a child’s heart allows them to remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit and to God’s love. The way the kids reciprocated my affection and the joy and fulfillment I felt from that may be similar to how God smiles down upon us when we cling to him. There was one child whom I adopted as my “spiritual child”. He expressed how his daily life has moments of loneliness, anger, and sadness, and my love for him made him desire more and more of it. I could see on his face that he’s never experienced such affection ever in his life. He would always call me when each day of camp ended, and would call me every morning as our team drove to camp. He was always holding my hand, never letting me leave his side, and wrapping my own arms around him. It’s been a few days since camp ended, and he always makes sure to call me at least once every day. His love reminded me that I should approach my relationship with God in that same authentic, childlike way. This child made me want to love God better.
Where Does My Help Come From?
So this leads to the question I pondered over for days: Where does my help come from? I always thought I was incapable of loving when I didn’t get proper sleep. I can’t be generous or care for others if I don’t prioritize myself first. Those beliefs were core to my identity. But God stripped all of that away.
He broke me down time and time again, starting from a few weeks before the trip when I was on crutches and badly sliced my finger as I was trying to support the team through decorating for the VBS. I experienced sleepless nights, moments of desperation, and periods in which I was unable to talk to God coherently. I had no idea where I could get help from besides God. I did know, however, that the Holy Spirit was diligently interceding on my behalf to build the capacity of my heart to display the Fruit of the Spirit. The day before VBS, as our team was singing worship songs, I found myself crying. I usually only cry a couple of times each year, but in this moment, I was so anxious that I wouldn’t be able to love the kids in the way I wanted to. I had to fully surrender in this moment. I prayed,
“Lord, I’m so desperate for Your help right now. There’s so much control I’m clinging onto. Would You continue to break me down to the brink of exhaustion so I can rely on nothing but Your strength? I don’t need physical healing tonight. I need You to heal my heart. I’m such an imperfect being, but you continue to use me as a vessel. I just want these children to know Your love for them. Help me display Your love.”
All I could boast about is my weakness and the perfect ways God used my imperfect self. During this trip, I wrestled with pride, anxieties, and the desire to stay in control. But this trip showed me what love really looks like. It showed me where my help comes from. It showed me the beauty of committing my work to our Creator and striving to outdo one another in loving one another.
My suffering became an incredible joy.
I’ve never felt so much joy in my life.
Because I finally discovered where my help comes from.
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.” – Psalm 16:5
